CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i now understand why vodka
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
