dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
