My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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