if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
