We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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