and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
