everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize