You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
