Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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