Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
