tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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