What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
