What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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