After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
