I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
