yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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