i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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