My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
