His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
