Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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