and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
