I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
