Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
