Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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