Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
