He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
