We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
