I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
