I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
