Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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