Sponge bath it is.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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