That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
