i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
