I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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