I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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