You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize