I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
