I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
