I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
