why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
