I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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