Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
