dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize