She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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