legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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