She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
