all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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