you win again, gameday.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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