The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
