Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
