if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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