Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
