that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Small penises have feelings too.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
