will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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