My balls are so social today.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
