Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
