Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
