I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
