Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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