Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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