Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
