Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
