I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
