i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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