Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
