his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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