john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
