And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
