I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
